Fiction: Excerpt from Oval Office Conversation 639-100

© 2002 Brian G. Parker

December 17, 1971

[8:15 p.m. – 8:27 p.m.]

Participants:  Richard M. Nixon, John D. Ehrlichman, John N. Mitchell.

Mitchell: [INAUDIBLE] one more thing I wanted to discuss.

Nixon: Sure, John. Go ahead.

Mitchell: John, if you don’t mind I’d like you to sit in on this, because I don’t want it coming back to bite me in the ass that I [INAUDIBLE]

Erhlichman: No problem.

Nixon: You look like you’re about to give me bad news.

Mitchell: It’s the old man, Dick. He’s running the bureau like-

Erhlichman: I’m glad you’re bringing this up, John.

Mitchell: Yes, well. Dick, you’ve got to talk him into retiring before this whole thing blows up in our faces.

Erhlichman:  The old bastard is [INAUDIBLE] that he can’t run things any more.

Nixon:  I know, I know. Ike warned me about him, and I wasn’t smart enough to know what he was up to with the Hiss thing. I sold my goddamn [INAUDIBLE] devil on that one.

Mitchell: He’s slipping, Dick. There are too many skeletons in his closet, and we can’t accept the risk. I can’t run Justice, because as long as he’s running the Bureau, I’m just a figurehead.

Erhlichman:  He’s threatened everyone in Washington at one time or another with files that frankly may or may not exist. I’ve personally found recording devices in [INAUDIBLE]

Nixon:  God damn it! Son of a bitch! Get out of here! Rosemary!

Rosemary Woods: Yes, Mr. President?

 Nixon:  Get this god damned dog out of here and bring me some paper towels or something [INAUDIBLE] ought to get Rosemary to take care of the old cocksucker.

Mitchell:  Dick, I’m afraid he’s going to leak something about the Kennedy thing, and you know he’s threatened to turn loose the records on that [INAUDIBLE]

Nixon: I know John. He owns us all. He’s managed to make the American people believe he’s a saint. If I try to fire him, he’ll end us all.

Ehrlichman: [INAUDIBLE]

Nixon: No, that won’t work. Castro is still breathing, isn’t he? I’ll talk to him, see if I can’t get him to think about retirement.

Mitchell: Give him a title or something. Stroke his [INAUDIBLE] public is right about one thing.

Nixon: What’s that?

Mitchell:  Without him, the Bureau wouldn’t be what it is today.

Ehrlichman:  True, but if he stays in charge much longer, it’ll be right back where it was in 1924.

Nixon: Thanks for stopping by fellows. I’m going to the residence for some [INAUDIBLE] see what I can do.

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